Please Pray

Everything is sooo messed up. Any of you who are pray-ers, please pray.

There is so much lying and manipulating and trying to control that is going on that God is the only One who can bring a stop to it.

Court is supposed to be this week. The first custody hearing is next week. We all need your prayers.

Real Me

I started seeing a Social Worker shortly after this whole thing started. I see her once a week. She is going to help me work through some stuff, like identifying feelings, and other things related to my personal growth. The time I spend with her is full of being asked "How did that make you feel?" By the end of our time together, I am so sick of hearing that question it makes me want to puke. I work hard at covering up my emotions, then she keeps trying to get them out. I am not used to having my feelings on my sleeve, so I am upset when I leave her office with all my emotions opened up inside. Then, I have to spend the rest of the day putting my feelings and emotions back into the little boxes I have made for them.

I have gone for so long not being ME, that she is going to try and help me find WHO I am. For our next visit, she wants me to bring a list of my core values. Those values are the building blocks of who I am , so if I can determine and return to what those are, then it'll be a good start to finding the REAL ME.

News

I received disappointing new yesterday. Because of what is going on between my husband and I, with court, custody and eventually divorce, and an accusation that was made that is completely false, I've been told to take time off from doing any church ministry. The exact words were to "lay low". It is really difficult because church is my life. I feel like I am being punished for standing up for myself and getting out of an abusive situation. I feel like I have so much to grieve.

That is where I am at. I am trying to process and figure out what life will be like without it being surrounded by church ministries.

I feel like the black sheep, out of the circle, and completely alone.

My Rights

Most of these things I had no idea were my rights. My Social Worker gave me this list and I want to share it with you. This is what an abuse-free life looks like:


Things to remember everyday:

* I have the right to be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect at all times.
* I have the right to make my own decisions about the course of my life.
* I have the right to have dreams - and to work toward making these dreams come true.
* I have the right to feel good about myself as a person and a woman.
* I have the right to choose who will be my friends, whom I will spend time with, and whom I will confide in.
* I have the right to make mistakes.
* I have the right to change my mind (Have you ever heard the saying "If you haven't changed your mind lately, maybe you don't have one"?)
* I have the right to be happy.
* I have the right to ask for what I want.
* I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
* I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive and negative.
* I have the right to say no.
* I have the right to determine my own priorities.
* I have the right not to be responsible for others' behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
* I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
* I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
* I have the right to change and grow.
* I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
* I have the right to be uniquely myself.

This is New

I am at the beginning of a Single Mom road. My husband and I recently separated after years and years of abuse from him. I have finally stood up for myself and for our 2 children. I went to the Police and told them the things he had been doing to us, and they made the choice to arrest him. He is charged with assault, assault with a weapon, and uttering threats, on me and on the kids. He denied the charges and we are now forced to go to trial - that means the kids and I have to testify. They are both under 10 years of age.

That is where I am. I would like to share this journey with you - and it's a good way to document what is going on.