Real Me

I started seeing a Social Worker shortly after this whole thing started. I see her once a week. She is going to help me work through some stuff, like identifying feelings, and other things related to my personal growth. The time I spend with her is full of being asked "How did that make you feel?" By the end of our time together, I am so sick of hearing that question it makes me want to puke. I work hard at covering up my emotions, then she keeps trying to get them out. I am not used to having my feelings on my sleeve, so I am upset when I leave her office with all my emotions opened up inside. Then, I have to spend the rest of the day putting my feelings and emotions back into the little boxes I have made for them.

I have gone for so long not being ME, that she is going to try and help me find WHO I am. For our next visit, she wants me to bring a list of my core values. Those values are the building blocks of who I am , so if I can determine and return to what those are, then it'll be a good start to finding the REAL ME.

News

I received disappointing new yesterday. Because of what is going on between my husband and I, with court, custody and eventually divorce, and an accusation that was made that is completely false, I've been told to take time off from doing any church ministry. The exact words were to "lay low". It is really difficult because church is my life. I feel like I am being punished for standing up for myself and getting out of an abusive situation. I feel like I have so much to grieve.

That is where I am at. I am trying to process and figure out what life will be like without it being surrounded by church ministries.

I feel like the black sheep, out of the circle, and completely alone.