I started seeing a Social Worker shortly after this whole thing started. I see her once a week. She is going to help me work through some stuff, like identifying feelings, and other things related to my personal growth. The time I spend with her is full of being asked "How did that make you feel?" By the end of our time together, I am so sick of hearing that question it makes me want to puke. I work hard at covering up my emotions, then she keeps trying to get them out. I am not used to having my feelings on my sleeve, so I am upset when I leave her office with all my emotions opened up inside. Then, I have to spend the rest of the day putting my feelings and emotions back into the little boxes I have made for them.
I have gone for so long not being ME, that she is going to try and help me find WHO I am. For our next visit, she wants me to bring a list of my core values. Those values are the building blocks of who I am , so if I can determine and return to what those are, then it'll be a good start to finding the REAL ME.
I have gone for so long not being ME, that she is going to try and help me find WHO I am. For our next visit, she wants me to bring a list of my core values. Those values are the building blocks of who I am , so if I can determine and return to what those are, then it'll be a good start to finding the REAL ME.
I'm so happy that you're starting this journey. It's such hard and often lonely work, and I hope you are blessed with as wonderful of a counsellor as I am. He too is a social worker, but also an art therapist who I see weekly as well. This personal journey of growth and discovery I see as one of the most important in my life, as it will impact absolutely everything. You mentioned how you leave all exposed and vulnerable feeling, and then have to put the feelings back into place... that's where I am often with the sessions as well. It gets easier! I've found that I don't quite feel like I have to work as hard as I did before, because I'm getting a bit more comfortable each time with letting the world seeing those emotions. If I come home and am still teary, then so be it. Although I know, we still have to function, and it's hard to when we're a wreck! Hang in there PJ, and good luck with your homework :)
ReplyDeleteI have found it hard to expose feelings to therapists and then be sent off, feeling raw. I think as you learn to work through things, you won't feel so terrible all the time... it might resolve a bit as you go along.
ReplyDeleteRediscovering your identity can be very exciting, scary, and it can be a bit painful sometimes too... but you know, you are a woman of God, crafted especially just the way you are BY Him, and he will put you back together and never leave you as a work undone. My prayer for you is that you will have the opportunity to flourish as an individual as you go into this time of learning and rediscovering :)