Kiddies

One of the hardest things I am dealing with right now is seeing the affects of abuse on my children. Their responses to every day situations all stem from how they were treated and taught from the moment they entered the world. It is very difficult to not accept all the blame and guilt from their childhood onto myself. While I was not a willing participant in it, I also didn't stand up for what I knew in my heart was wrong. Why didn't I stand up? Out of fear of being hit, sworn at and belittled myself. I did what I had been trained to do... we all were. I knew the difference in my heart, but the connection of that truth to my brain was out of whack.

Regardless, I am the mother, and I should have stood up to him - whatever the consequences.

The kids have much to deal with and work through. I understand the things they are facing, and the feelings they are feeling, because it was only a short time ago that I had to work through it all for myself. I have much grace for them, that some would see as too much tolerance and letting them get away with too much, but I know where they've come from and how difficult things always were for them. I know how hard it is to change a response when that is all you have ever known.

God, give me the strength and wisdom I need to help my children break free from the abuse they have suffered. Heal us all... including D.